3 辦公室的禮儀 四(doc)
3. Everyday Etiquette for Office Life Much of our everyday conversation is ritual1. We repeatedly ask others how they are doing without any expectation that they will take us literally and give a full account of their recent medical history. We say and hear things in a mindless fashion, because what's really important is that our words serve as a social lubricant2. What we say is far less important than the fact that we are still talking to one another. An American expert says that while we often exchange significant content messages about the work we do, “ the meat of the work that has to be done is held together, made pleasant and possible, by the ketchup3, relish4, and bun5 of conversational rituals” . When a ritual is recognized, both parties know not to6 take the words literally. Problems arise, however, when coworkers use different rituals and fail to recognize the appropriate category of talk. One example is the ritual use of the words “ I'm sorry.” 　　The British are well known for saying“ sorry.” They say it to each other perhaps 20 or 30 times a day. When a London sidewalk is crowded and people inadvertently7 bump8 each other, a near chorus9 of “ sorry” can be heard. Its function is merely one of the maintaining a sense of decency10 while being jostled11 about on a busy street. In America, saying “ I'm sorry” can easily be misunderstood, especially in the world of work where most of the jostling has to do with images and status. To be successful in business, women have been frequently advised to avoid apologizing and other forms of so called “ powerless speech.” Softening criticism with praise, thanking people for routine services, and asking others for opinions instead of asserting12 your own are forms of speech often seen as submissive13. They are also behaviors that women tend to engage in more than men. Misunderstandings often occur because men fail to recognize them as ritualistic, and women do not realize that men will take them literally. 　　Women tend to use compliments and give praise at work much more than men do at work, but are reluctant to criticize directly. Men, on the other hand, like their criticism straight and tend to keep quiet when someone is doing a good job. The result: men often miss the indirect criticisms given by women and women feel ignored or taken for granted because they are seldom told if they are doing a good job. Another ritual difference is the kind of small talk14 used as conversational filler. Women, according to experts' observation, often complain about problems in relationships as a way of showing that they are on equal footing15 (neither is perfect). If taken literally, this kind of talk can be interpreted as chronic16 complaining. Equally confusing to some women is the ritual sports talk banter17 engaged in by most men, and increasingly by many women. 　　While there are gender differences in conversational style and ritual use of language, the important point is that taking ritualistic language literally can lead to problematic18 perceptions19 of others. Since we tend to20 be unaware of many of the ways that we ourselves use language ritually, it should not surprise us when we interpret21 the rituals of others in a literal fashion. 辦公室的日常禮儀 我們日常的交談內容大多是禮節(jié)性的。我們反復問候他人并不意味要他們當真應答或 詳述其近來的病歷。我們之所以不假思索地說著或聽著那些客套話，是因為其真正的重 要性在于我們的這些客套話在社會交往中可起潤滑作用。我們所講的內容并不重要，重 要的是我們在與另一個人交談。一位美國專家說，雖然我們經常交換與所做工作密切相 關的重要信息，“要做的主要工作(像肉一樣)是經過交談中的各種禮節(jié)(像蕃茄醬、調味 品和甜面包那樣)所起的調劑作用而集中起來，做得愉快并做成功的。當某種禮節(jié)得到承 認時，交談雙方便知道不該從字面上去理解所講的話。然而，當同事之間使用不同的禮 節(jié)，并沒能認出談話恰當?shù)姆N類時，就會出問題。其中的一個例子便是禮節(jié)性地說聲“對 不起”。 　　英國人以愛說“對不起”而聞名。他們一天也許彼此要說二、三十次“對不起”。當倫 敦的一條人行道上擠滿了人，人們又不小心撞到彼此時，可以聽到幾乎異口同聲地說“對 不起”。其功能不過是在人群熙攘的大街上被擠時保持一種合乎禮儀的感覺。但在美國， 說“對不起”容易引起誤解，特別是在工作領域——其間大部分的推撞與形象和地位有關。 要想在商界成功，女性經常被忠告要避免使用道歉和其他所謂“無力的言語”的表達法。 帶有稱贊的緩和的批評，為日常應盡的服務而感謝別人，征求他人意見而不直抒己見， 這些都常被看作是順從的語言表達法。它們也是女性比男性更容易作出的行為。于是種 種誤解時常出現(xiàn)，因為男性沒有聽出那些表達是禮節(jié)性的，而女性也沒有意識到男性是 照字面意思去理解的。 　　女性在工作中比男性更常恭維人，贊揚人，但不愿直截了當?shù)嘏u他人。相反，男 性更喜歡直接說出批評意見，而某人工作干得不錯時倒往往保持沉默。其結果是：男性 常常沒能聽出女同事提出的間接批評，而女性則感到不受重視或被視為無足輕重，因為 即使她們工作做得不錯也很少有人告訴她們。另一禮節(jié)上的不同是用來填補交談內容的 閑談。女性，根據(jù)專家們觀察，經常抱怨工作關系中的問題以表示她們是處于平等地位 的（誰也不完美）。如果按字面意思去理解，這種閑談會被視為習慣性抱怨。同樣讓一 些女性困惑的是那么多男性，以及越來越多的女性談論體育新聞的禮節(jié)性玩笑。 　　性別差異的確存在于交談方式和語言使用的禮節(jié)性方式中，但重要的是如果從字面 上去理解禮節(jié)性語言會導致對他人的錯誤判斷。因為我們往往沒有意識到我們自己禮節(jié) 性地使用語言的諸多方式，我們從字面上去理解他人的客套話便不足為奇了。 1.ritual[5ριτφυΕλ]adj.禮節(jié)性的 2.lubricant[5λυ:βρικΕντ]n.潤滑劑 3.ketchup[5κετΦΕπ]n.=catchup調味番茄醬 4.relish[5ρελιΦ]n.調味品 5.bun[βΘν]n.小圓(果子)面包，小圓糕點 6.knownottodosth.知道不該做某事 7.inadvertently[7ινΕδ5πΕ:τΕντ((]adv.非故意地，不小心地 8.bump[βΘμπ]vt.碰，撞 9.chorus[5κΧ:ρΕσ]n.齊聲，異口同聲 10.decency[5δι:σνσι]n.合乎禮儀，體面 11.jostle[5δ
3 辦公室的禮儀 四(doc)